While some conflicts are necessary for growth and progress, others can be damaging and destructive if not managed effectively. Some find conflict so depleting that they avoid all possibility of conflict. Their avoidance interferes with the quality of their lives, and leaves many issues unresolved. Read on to learn more about each conflict resolution style, how to figure out your style, how that can impact your relationships, and how to develop a healthier conflict resolution style. For many individuals who have a fear of confrontation in relationships, what they are fearful of is big emotions. To get more comfortable with emotions, practice discussing them often.
Really listen to your partner.
You were already dealing with a lot of work stress.” Essentially, Suzie omits discussing her self-serving activity to free herself of responsibility. This type of conflict avoidance is dysfunctional because it is utilized to evade accountability in the relationship. This deficit may be fairly static so a person may need to avoid the constant ordeals. Instead, he or she may try reflecting on his or her absolute non-negotiables in the relationship.
- During conflict, it’s easy to get caught up in defending your own position.
- A partner who routinely crosses these boundaries may not be emotionally safe.
- People-pleasing is a coping mechanism that we revert to when we are overcome by stress and the fear of conflict.
- The desire to avoid conflict in a relationship is common, but for very different reasons.
- While avoiding conflict can provide short-term relief from discomfort, it often results in increased stress and potential harm to relationships and personal well-being in the long run.
- We may feel that conflict should be avoided, or we may be fearful of conflict because we witnessed toxic levels of conflict growing up.
Causes Of Conflict Avoidance
Without telling Tim, she goes out to expensive lunches and dinners with her friends, makes several large purchases, and loses a healthy chunk of money at the casino. Think of arguments as opportunities to connect and find solutions together. By communicating openly and honestly, you can build a stronger, more fulfilling relationship.
Tips for better communicating with your partner
People may do this as a way to preserve harmony in the relationship. In a committed romantic relationship, there are often challenges and conflicts you and your partner will face. The challenges occur because a relationship consists of two individuals, each with their own goals, motives, and desires that don’t always align with one another. By contrast, individuals who are less committed are more prone to view conflicts and the tension they arouse as a true indication that such conflict will invariably lead to the end of the relationship.
- Psychodynamic therapy delves into unconscious thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, employing techniques such as dream interpretation and exploring defense mechanisms, fostering self-discovery and healing.
- By Elizabeth Scott, PhDElizabeth Scott, PhD is an author, workshop leader, educator, and award-winning blogger on stress management, positive psychology, relationships, and emotional wellbeing.
- Although the adverse impact of conflict avoidance can be seen across all genders in relationships, its effects can be particularly upsetting for women.
- It also could cause more relationship problems on top of the one you are attempting to solve, not to mention lead to hurt feelings that could make it less likely concerns will be shared openly in the future.
- If you’re struggling with fear of confrontation, you do not have to suffer in silence.
- Increasing your self-esteem, by focusing on your strengths, practicing positive self-affirmations, and taking time for self-care, can make you more confident about approaching conflict.
- Conflict avoiders may silence their opinions to please other people.
How to Determine Your Conflict Resolution Style
Strategies can include engaging in deep breathing techniques before the confrontation. For example, you might practice reminding your boss about your boundaries and that they agreed to your boundaries in the first place. how to deal with someone who avoids conflict You also might double-check your company’s policy on after-hours phone calls, as you can use this policy as a backup. Having a conversation that requires a lot of emotional work is bound to be much more difficult if you and your partner are distracted by other worries.
Conflict Avoidance: Why It’s Harmful, How to Overcome It & More
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A Few Words by Psychology Fanatic
Acknowledge and celebrate even small steps towards healthier communication. During conflict, it’s easy to get caught up in defending your own position. However, validating your partner’s feelings is crucial for building trust and moving forward.
- On the other hand, if it is challenging for you to resolve your fear of conflict, your avoidance of conflict style may result from childhood attachment issues or another unresolved issue.
- Ghosting, for example—ending a relationship by disappearing—has become common.
- Conflict avoidance can sometimes occur because of low self-esteem.
- When Jeff shut down, he reflexively focused his attention on their differences.
- Gunnysacking is intimately related to conflict avoidance, because it’s what happens when you don’t resolve things as you go along, and just hold onto them instead.
Pathological Conflict Avoidance
Providing specifics may help your partner recognize a behavior they are more than willing to work on but hadn’t been aware of. It also gives them the opportunity to defend or explain a behavior if they feel they have been misunderstood. If your partner is physically or emotionally abusive—whether in the presence of a conflict or not—there are resources you can turn to for help.